“…and I know how important it is to you at this point in your career that our inner child gets what he needs…but I have to tell you this play is rising like a f*cking soufflé!”

This article is part of an ongoing expose on “Mistakes Were Made” premiering August 20th at Mainline. Buy tickets here.

(Original Journal Entry from June 15th, 2014)

I have been memorizing lines little by little, all the time. On the plane, on vacation. Every little chance I have, I try to learn a bit more of the text.

 IMG_8697 IMG_9156IMG_8699IMG_9505

At 40,000 feet – countless crew members have been helping me memorize and practice during our downtime on the plane.  

 
It’s frustrating in some ways. The role is perhaps more of a challenge than I can overcome. That’s not a bad thing. It’s pushing me extremely hard and even if I come up short, it will have still pushed me past any limits of what I’ve done before. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still trying to get there – and I hope I do, this whole experience of going past my comfort zone is unexpectedly challenging – and scary. I’m realizing to try something truly different and new, you do have to be brave. I’m not talking about the result. Just to try takes courage.
 
The funny is fine, but the length of the show means it can’t just be funny and that’s where I’m scared. Being vulnerable is scary. Nir is really pushing for it and I want to bring that to life, it’s just…I can’t be fake. I can’t go somewhere fake when I’m funny (people won’t laugh) and I can’t do it when I’m serious – so it’s hard (maybe impossible) work.
 
We just went into the Fringe and what a nice breath of air it’s been since Done To Death. It’s nice to just laugh and have something to celebrate. It’s a nice reminder as to why we do this, why I do this. 
 
IMG_9386

Rome, on “vacation”

But this experience has reminded me of something…I like performing, but I am not a producer. I have drive, more drive than most people and that is why people recognize I get stuff done, but that drive is not the same as me being organized and resourceful. I am neither of those things – and working on shows for Brave New Productions, based purely on drive, eats up far too much of my life. It leaves me feeling stressed out and short with the people I care most about, and that’s just unacceptable. It also compromises the time I can spend working on the part I love most: performing.
 
I see Felix Artifex and what that all encompassing focus did to his life and…I see something there. I can’t articulate it right now but there’s a meaning to me that is deeply personal.
 
It’s a weird place that I find myself in right now. Putting the most energy I’ve ever channeled into a show few people may ever see. Taking the challenge and the experience of Mistakes Were Made and using it to reach a new level of understanding about myself. 
 
I guess, in that way, the success of it all is not that important, though who doesn’t want to be good at what they do? Something is happening in my mind and that may be the biggest gift I can take from this.

“Whatever. Something simple, you know? Something any shmuck can do.” – Mistakes Were Made

This article is part of an ongoing expose on “Mistakes Were Made” premiering August 20th at Mainline. Buy tickets here.

(Original Journal Entry from April 28th, 2014)

 
The waves never stop.

I spent the afternoon by the beach today. Life has been exhausting but today was my first chance to breathe since the hospital. A busy work schedule and a series of unfortunate and unrelated illnesses (a cold, food poisoning) have left me feeling exhausted.

But I got a lucky layover and the chance to enjoy some time in the sun. Sitting by myself on the beach, the final sniffles of my cold dissipating, it was far too easy to get lost in the sights and sounds of the ocean.

The waves crawling up on the sand were mesmerizing, and made me think of our time being alive. Each wave is born somewhere in the ocean and goes on a journey that will eventually end on it’s crashing up onto the beach. Some waves are bigger than others, but eventually we all recede back into the ocean. Maybe to become a new wave one day.

Maybe to become a raindrop.

IMG_9122.JPG

I’ll lose you if I keep being poetic or…spiritual? Is that what I’m being? I’m not high or drunk, I promise.

I’ve asked both Emma McQueen and Stephanie McKenna to join Nir in offering me direction. I know that’s excessive to say the least. Three directors for one actor. The truth is these ladies are so talented, if I can infuse the show with even a hint of their vision and talent it will be a gift. What Emma knows about direction and what Stephanie knows about comedy eclipse my own skills and there is just so much I can learn from them.

I’ve asked Sean Curley and Stephanie Coco Palermo if they’d be interested in taking on the supporting roles in the piece. Of course that’s insane. Both are ACTRA, both are pros with insane performance skills – and both are important friends who actually said yes. They’ve said yes to this insane piece that hides one of them behind an aquarium and one behind a frosted glass door.

Finally, Isabelle has asked to step beyond her lighting role and fully embody her title of tech director. She wants to help build the set. I’m more than happy to have my hands clear on that, so I can focus on acting.

Sherry has also been in touch. She mentioned in New York that she wanted to help in some way to produce Mistakes Were Made. I can’t take her money though. Mistakes will most likely prove to be a financial loss (I can’t see strong attendance) and there’s barely a chance she’d make her money back. But if I can make sure she gets…something… out of if. I’ll have to think about it for a bit, but it’s not like I want to turn away the financial assistance.

Already the lonely journey feels less journey. Actually it feels just as busy as any other production. So much for peaceful waves.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 173 other followers